Another Damn Wedding
(by Michael Clem)
It’s another damn wedding
Another wasted Saturday
I ain’t got no gift
Hit Crate & Barrel on the way
I’m running late to the chapel
I’ll slip in a back pew and hide
I accidentally slam the door
and spoil the entrance of the bride
The ceremony and reception
are fifty miles apart
I should’ve blown off the ceremony
and hit the party from the start
I like the ones with Open Bar
Thems the ones I’d even crash
I order me a whiskey sour
That’s when they hit me up for cash
Turns out the meal is seated
I’m sat with the priest and elderly folk
I have to speak to them quite loudly
and they don’t get any of my jokes
I try to sit in with the band
and they push me off the stage
I’m sweet-talkin’ to the flower girl
but I don’t think that she’s of age
That girl in white looks pretty hot
She looks familiar, if I’m not mistaken
Oh, turns out that she’s the bride
So I guess that means she’s taken
I make a move in on the bride’s maids
I raise a glass to all our health
They start to sense my desperation
They also sense my lack of wealth
They’re makin’ a fuss over the ring boy
He gets to sit upon their knee
He couldn’t be four or five
and he’s gettin more than ME
It’s another damn wedding
Another wasted Saturday
I ain’t got no gift
Hit Crate & Barrel on the way
Why the Hell am I here?
I knew the groom back in the day
We were barely roommates freshman year
And I always thought that he was gay
Oh, now the party’s getting started
The band plays YMCA
The groom leads the choreography
See, I told you that he was gay
Well, the couple have had their cake
The father and daughter have had their dance
A drunk best man leads an incoherent toast
and proceeds to drop his pants
I hired this girl to be my date
Right now, she’s passed out by the coat rack
She was loaded up on pills and booze
I should get my money back
It’s another damn wedding
Another wasted Saturday
I ain’t got no gift
Hit Crate & Barrel on the way
A good friend once said to me
He said, “You know why weddings aren’t a blast
You’re seein’ the same damn play over and over
With different actors in the cast”
It’s another damn wedding
Another wasted Saturday
I ain’t got no gift
Hit Crate & Barrel on the way
copyright 2006 J Fish Music